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Desert Sun
everlasting as the Phoenix
shining ever so brightly
on an unwelcome doorstep

            Desert Sun
            ruling over the winter grey
            eversearching for me
            lost in a turmoil of sensations

                        Desert Sun
                           Forbidding me to
                                           slip away
                                                 into the
                                                        Nothingness
                                                                   I so long desire
©2005-2009 ~Aysel786
:iconaysel786:

Author's Comments

I had previuosly submitted this poem, but I've entirely changed the structure and a few of the words, and I think that it makes all the difference. This is the poem that I wrote for my creative writing course on poetry, in it we were supposed to include one lie.

Any thoughts are welcome.

Comments


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:icondissimilitude:
I like this format, as well as your choice of words. Don't think it's quite as good as most of your other poems, however.
:iconaysel786:
Well, thanks for your honest opinion...

--
~ Elisa Anaïs
:icondissimilitude:
Sorry, didn't mean to sound so harsh. Forgive me?
:iconaysel786:
No don't worry about it, you weren't harsh, so no need for forgiveness.

--
~ Elisa Anaïs
:iconmoonbetrayal:
I admire the format and writing style most of all. Also your techniqe and words. Awesome piece. :hug:
:iconcoeurdufeu:
I liked the structure. Especially the way the poem fell down and away to fit better with the overall theme. I liked the repetition of "desert sun". Of course, I've always kind of been a fan of repetition. Anyway, I like the length of the poem as well. You didn't beat the dead horse. You said your piece and then let it be. Very cool. Sorry I haven't commented in awhile, I had to work some things out.

--
"We can either be good little boys and girls, go to college and get married, or...By God, we can let our demons loose and just wail on" Quentin Cassidy (fictional character) from the book Once a Runner
:iconaysel786:
Yes, I seem to like repetition also, but thank you for reading and commenting! It's alright if you haven't been around too much lately, but I hope you worked everything out and that you stick around for awhile.

--
~ Elisa Anaïs
:iconaysel786:
Thanks alot! :D

--
~ Elisa Anaïs

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March 13, 2005
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